I wish I was a stay-at-home-mom

I work a lot

As I’ve mentioned in other posts

I forget to do things for my kids when they have things going on at school

I forget how to deal with the craziness of our household

I don’t ever have time to clean and God forbid my husband cleans the house. He does all the kids laundry though so that’s his strong suit…but not putting it away. Love you babe.

My pet peeve is a messy house. I wouldn’t even say its a pet peeve, but rather it gives me major anxiety and makes me feel like I can’t do anything let alone THINK in our house. I can only imagine how one of our girls feels if they have anxiety from it.

So far, they are really embracing the whole messy house mantra

And I’m not down with that. 

But that’s not the only reason why I wish I was a stay-at-home-mom.

A long time ago I WAS. And I didn’t appreciate it. I was very young, new to being a mom, new to being married…and I kept thinking about my “plan” that I had for myself before I had kids. I was supposed to get a career in journalism and go travel the world reporting on important matters. But there I was, waiting for my husband to come home from Ireland on one of his underways (Navy) with two little girls under the age of 3.

I loved it, but I hated it. I also didn’t communicate well with my husband back then. So I thought he would be more proud of me if I landed an awesome job and put our kids in daycare all day long instead of just deciding to be a stay-at-home-mom and really jumping into being a MOM. I had just graduated college about 5 months before this, so the type A, overachiever inside of me was going absolutely insane.

Unfortunately, I had to learn a lot of things the hard way in my adult life. I’ve taken the long road at almost every crossroads. Maybe God wanted me to learn some life lessons so I could teach my girls them one day or maybe I’m just stupid?? I’m leaning toward to the latter.

But I kept searching for “that” job. And you know what? I haven’t found it. I’ve had two more kids since then and our finances have really suffered from me trying to find this perfect job that I’ve been dreaming of all these years. I’ll land a job, stay there for awhile and then hate it…then leave. Then get another job, stay there awhile, hate it, then leave…etc.

I was being so indecisive back when it was just me and the two little ones. We were living in Florida at the time at one of my husband’s duty stations and I knew absolutely nobody. My husband asked me if I wanted to stay home with the kids and he would work or if I wanted to get a job and then one day he’d get out of the Navy. I literally couldn’t decide. I didn’t think about how hard it would be financially if he got out of the Navy, which is funny because he barely made ANYTHING…but it supported us.

I didn’t want to trust God that maybe the home was where I was supposed to be. Maybe being home with our girls was the best thing for THEM. I thought about my pride and going to school and what did I just go to four years of college for if I wasn’t going to use it?

I’m sure a lot of mom’s have this same indecisiveness but I have yet to meet one who is at the same level as me.

Fast forward 5 almost 6 years later and here I am, trying to make money online like a freaking hustler, so I can stay home with my kids and let my husband go back to school and use his GI Bill.

Maybe it will happen…maybe it won’t. Who knows. Moral of the story. When you are at a crossroads and you have to make a decision. Make the one that is selfless…not selfish. The right decision is never the selfish one.

I know staying home is basically a full-time job and it never ends. But its a terrible feeling to separate yourself from your entire home life, leave it, try not to think about it while you’re gone and pretend that you don’t miss your family while you’re at work.

I try to block out all the things that need to be done at home, until I get home. But then I come home and a million tasks start popping up in my mind and it gets overwhelming but it also makes me really sad that so many things need to be done but “I’m too busy” to do anything about it. I’m too busy for my family. And that’s not how my life is supposed to be, that’s not being a blessing to my family.

Luckily, I’m very passionate and knowledgable about nutrition. And I’m a nutrition + mindset coach. So this is how I make money on the side to help our family and to help other people’s lives.

Praying for a miracle to happen that I’ll be able to stay home with my girls, is my only option right now. If you’re wondering, my husband is getting out of the Navy so he can go to school and has not been able to find a good paying job. I have my degree and make more money than him, so the money I made vs him is very beneficial for paying our mortgage and bills.

If you have any interest in Nutrition let me know!

If you don’t, say a quick prayer for me to grow this little nutrition coaching biz so I can bring it home full time!