Have you ever felt stuck?
Financially stuck. Emotionally stuck. Physically stuck. Creatively stuck. Just stuck?
Last year my husband went on his 4th, and last, deployment that lasted for 6 months. I didn’t save our money well during this time and quite honestly blew it on groceries for clean eating and I didn’t look back.
That was the wrong choice.
I could have still eaten healthy while being frugal but I didn’t “want” to. I wanted our kids to eat super healthy food and I wanted to lose ALL the baby weight (this did not happen).
But my mind didn’t go past deployment. It only saw the NOW. It didn’t think about how things would be in 9 or 10 months and where our income would be coming from.
My husband is now in the reserves and when he came back from deployment, his active duty stopped, as expected. We had enough savings to last us for three months which included our mortgage, car payments and various other bills.
At the time, I was trying to do Real Estate full time but as a new agent, we all know how impossible the first year can seem. To cut this short, I made zero dollars for 6 months.
My husband is such a gracious guy and believes in me full heartedly…probably because I’m just all in, in everything I do. I go from 0-60 no matter what it is and I’m super confident about it and just expect him to be on board, so he may feel like he just has no other choice sometimes lol. Other times he slows me down, gets me level headed and helps me think more realistically.
But MOST of the time, he just says “okay babe.” Love him.
So that’s exactly what he did. He stayed home with the kids and let me go try to do this Real Estate thing full fledged. I did it all in but saw no results.
We had a plan for my husband to go to school and use his GI bill and I would go back to work since I already have my degree. He’s worked hard for our family and I didn’t want to take that away from him.
We went 4 months without me making anything. I took any extra side paying job, and so did he. Sign twirling, wine serving…we finally found jobs and he got a part time job at Home Depot, but it’s still tight. We had a family member pay our mortgage last month and it was the most humbling experience asking someone to do that for us because of our poor judgment in finances.
Our house is also a purchase that we shouldn’t have made but that’s a story for a different day.
It’s amazing but also painful how God puts you in these circumstances and tests you and your faith. I was and still am being tested on how I can trust God that our family will be alright no matter what happens and that He will find the way that I can’t. I’ve been shown (again) that I don’t have control over everything and I need to let go and just be, and let him work. That is probably what I struggle with most in my life, is giving up the reigns to my life.
I’m the type of person to say, “oh yeah? That’s not gonna happen. Watch me prove you wrong,” and then I go prove them wrong.
BUT every now and then, God shows me that sometimes I’M the one that’s wrong and I’m not always able to go out and do it. He wants to show me that HE can do it and HE’S the reason why I can prove people wrong at times. He gives me that drive. It doesn’t come from myself.
I wrote on our whiteboard that hangs in our dining room/hallway that “We will make our mortgage this month”. This is where I write our grocery lists, everyone’s schedules, things that we need reminders for…and words of encouragement. So I decided that I would put up those words in hopes (not really hopes, I firmly believed we would pay our mortgage ourselves), that we would go out and do it.
Well…January flew by and although we made money, it wasn’t enough to pay our mortgage.
Earlier that month, God somehow reacquainted us with a family member that we hadn’t seen in over 2 years because of some disagreements.
Without this being a thought in our mind, they offered to pay our mortgage. We didn’t accept this offer at first because we thought we had it under control.
Well, we didn’t. A week ago, we went back to them and asked if they would graciously pay our mortgage this month and that we would pay them back with our tax return.
The old me would be so disappointed in myself for not achieving that goal I put on that board. I would feel ashamed for needing that much help and I would hide from any communication from that person who helped us.
But the me I am today, who has done a lot of soul searching and had hours of alone time with God and really allowing him to scrape out the bad parts of my heart that have been lurking in the corners for decades… and then him refilling it with his goodness–this new me invites this season of our lives. This difficult, painful, seemingly endless, penny pinching and frustrating season. I invite it because I know it’s good for me. I know it’s shaping me. And maybe it’s shaping my husband and kids too, but in my heart, I’m the one that needed this shaping the most.
I’m learning the definition of hard work, patience and most of all grace + I know it’s only going to bless me and my family.
Jesus is amazing